E-mails from an Asshole 9-11

Original ad:
WILMINGTON TO CHICAGO
I’m driving out to Chicago on 9/1 around noon. I’m looking for someone to split the cost of gas/tolls. If interested, send me an email.
From Me to ***********@*********.org

Hi!

I am trying to go to Chicago, and the 1st sounds good to me. I took my ex-girlfriend’s EZ-pass out of her car when she wasn’t looking, so we can use that to pay for tolls. I have a few things I want to bring, do you have a lot of room?

Mike

From Brian ****** to Me:

Hi Mike,

Will the easy pass still work even though it isn’t in your ex’s car? I do have some room, what are you trying to bring?

From Me to Brian ******:

Brian,

I just want to bring a few duffel bags of clothes. Also, yes, the EZ pass will still work.

Mike

From Brian ****** to Me:

That shouldn’t be a problem. By the way, how old are you? Can you tell me a bit about yourself?

From Me to Brian ******:

I am 25, and I am a landscaper. I actually am going to Chicago for a national landscaper convention.

I just remembered, I also need to bring my weedwhacker. Will that fit in your car?

Mike

From Brian ****** to Me:

It should…I have a Honda Civic but it has a trunk access panel and we might be able to lay it across the back seat/trunk.

From Me to Brian ******:

Great! I also have a mini-fridge that I want to bring (my hotel doesn’t have one, and I need to keep my vodka chilled). Can we squeeze this in as well?

Mike

From Brian ****** to Me:

How big is it. I need room for my things too.

From Me to Brian ******:

It is about half the size of a normal fridge. I have some duct tape and rope, we could strap it to the roof of your car.

From Brian ****** to Me:

I don’t want to do that sorry. How about you bring it and we can see if it will fit.

From Me to Brian ******:

Sounds good! I’m sure it will fit. I also want to bring my TV…it is a 50″ flat screen. Is that a problem? I really hate the small TVs they have at the hotel.

From Brian ****** to Me:

How much shit are you bringing dude? Are you trying to move to Chicago? I said I have a Civic… not a moving van.

From Me to Brian ******:

I’m not bringing that much stuff, just my clothes, weedwhacker, mini-fridge, and TV. You said you had room for my stuff…now you don’t? I don’t understand. Does this mean we can’t take my recliner either?

From Brian ****** to Me:

Are you for real?

From Me to Brian ******:

Yes I am for real.

I just had an idea…Does your Civic have a hitch? I want to bring my Ford F250 truck, could we hook it to your car? It would be nice for me to have my truck in Chicago so I don’t have to ride in those dirty cabs everywhere. We could put some of the stuff I want to bring in the bed of my truck, since you “suddenly” don’t have that much room.

From Brian ****** to Me:

Why don’t you just drive your goddamn truck there. This is crazy

From Me to Brian ******:

Don’t get me wrong, I love my truck, but it isn’t so good on gas mileage. Can’t we just tow it there? It works out better this way, because I wanted to bring my four wheeler but was afraid to ask you because you seem to be getting all pissy about me bringing my stuff.

From Brian ****** to Me:

Why the hell do you need all this shit for a trip to chicago. If anything it is your truck that should be towing my Civic. For christ’s sake man, get real.

From Me to Brian ******:

Oh, do you think your Civic isn’t capable of towing my truck? I understand. Tell you what, I’ll talk to my friend Anthony. He’s a mechanic, and could put a better motor in your car so it has more power to tow my truck. It shouldn’t cost that much. What is your number? I’ll tell him to give you a call.

From Brian ****** to Me:

I’m done talking to you.

From Me to Brian ******:

So am I still getting the ride? I talked to Anthony and he actually needs a ride to Chicago too. I told him he could come if he helps pay for gas. Do you have an extra seat for him? He might have some stuff he wants to bring.

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  • Now that one made me laugh. Linked here from a Fark thread so figured I'd comment on it.