Regular Car Reviews: 1997 Subaru Outback Sport

This is a car from the 90’s. In the 90’s station wagons were allowed to be called station wagons. In 2015 station wagons are called “crossovers” because manufacturers are fearful men won’t buy their cars if they are less than 100% manly.

I used to work in a camera shop and all the Dads bought Canon point-and-shoot cameras because they were called “Powershots.” The Dads didn’t want Nikons because they were called “Coolpix.” Coolpix sounds like a girl’s first perfume.

In an age when men are injecting Synthol into their muscles, “station wagon” means “pussy-whipped.”

The bros loose because the Outbacks were some of the greatest cars ever made.

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  • Somebody

    Ehrm… “crossovers” are those half-car-half-minivan abominations that are about as “un-manly” as it gets.

    Scale of unmanliness from most to least manly;
    Bulldozer or other construction equipment > functional/sensible/properly-matched-to-use pickup truck > cargo van > sensible car > station wagon > mid-sized SUV > compact SUV (i.e. Subaru Forester) > minivan > compensator pickup (i.e. american bloatmobiles) > compensator car (i.e. sports car) > luxury car > crossover.