In this crazy world of face eating zombies it’s hard to know who to vote for when it comes to Bubba Idol. “The People Against Phat Timmy For Bubba Idol” campaign has just launched their latest smear video meant to discredit Phat Timmy as a zombie sympathizer.
Since we know this to be an utter lie, we got Timmy to grant us an exclusive and sober interview about these allegations against him:
Beaver: Timmy, What is your official stance on zombies?
Phat Timmy: Listen, Beave…. As I have said from the start of this campaign, I believe strongly in the Mayan End of the World in 2012. However, at the same time, as this ad itself does show, I’m not afraid of the standard double-tap uniform when it comes to a good Zombie killing.
Beaver: Timmy: some critics are saying you are a zombie sympathizer and welcome a zombie apocalypse, how would you respond to these allegations?
Timmy: I mean, the ad, in my opinion is a flop, a failure. It backfires. It shows me in my zombie-killing uniform. Note the free arms for full range of head-removal motion. Some would want to portray me as a Zombie Apocalypse believer… or even dare-say, a zombie-sympathizer. This is just not true.
Beaver: So if there were a zombie apocalypse, whose side would you support? Zombies or humans?
Timmy: I think that Zombies have true potential, as a free work force, sure. And I’m certain the military has their own ideas. But my political advisers tell me… I mean… my own opinion is that the humans are simply more valuable. And that’s not just because my current girlfriend is human. I’m not into self-loathing. I think it’s clear and I’ve said it before: I’m AGAINST zombies and fully support the human race. This ad clearly wants to show me as a believer in the Zombie Apocalypse, however, I certainly believe that we will kill the zombies before that ever happens. And I think science supports me on this.
Beaver: Have you ever eaten the flesh of another person, living or dead? And no, we’re not counting various sexual activities you may have partaken in.
Timmy: Who hasn’t thought about tearing the facial flesh off their ex-girlfriend or their boss? But… thinking about actually consuming their flesh? No way. I’m not even a fan of steak tar tar so the whole raw thing is a no go for me.
Beaver: It has been rumored that you walk with a limp, and at times utter incoherent words, much like a zombie.
Timmy: Here’s that old question. As you well know, people have said that in the past, but I think I’ve cleared up these allegations before. I have a condition. And that condition is known as drinking. And I stand by that and I have the doctor’s notes and blurry pictures to back it up. I am a heavy drinker and a drunk… it’s a stumble… not a limp.
Beaver: Do you have anything else to add?
Timmy: I just want to put on the record: that, like I’ve almost-always..never said: “Some say… let the truth lie… unspoken. But I say: Let the facts speak with words which are relatively factual… Because lies are hard to recall.” Also: Didn’t you want to ask anything about my radio credentials?
Beaver: Well that’s all the questions we have time for today. Thank you.
Timmy: But I…
Beaver: GOOD DAY SIR….
There you have it!
Phat Timmy, tough on zombies, advocate for humans!
Don’t forget to vote for Phat Timmy in the Bubba Idol contest @ BTLS.com