Need some brew to focus your Poké skills? Our friends at Shirts.com just came up with these awesome Poké brew labels
As with any long-running pop culture phenomenon, as a franchise gets older, so do its fans. Pokémon trainers have grown up since 1996, the year that Nintendo and Game Freak released Pokémon Red and Blue, and they’ve evolved a lot in the past 20 years. They’ve graduated from high school and college, started careers, and even families. There are plenty of adult Poké-fans now, who instead of drinking juice boxes after school, drink coffee before work. (Full disclosure: we are those fans. Surprise!) Sooo, to combine our love of Game Boy and caffeine, ideally together, we’ve designed 13 different coffee blends featuring some of our favorite Pokémon on the labels.
1. Pikachu’s Morning Spark
Pikachu is probably the most well-known Pokémon. Like, if you asked your grandma to name just ONE, she’d definitely be more likely to answer with Pika, rather than, say, Garbodor or Rayquaza. We imagined Pikachu as a morning blend, thanks to his cheerful attitude and electric personality. (Sorry.) This is a great go-to blend for people who are just starting to get into coffee. Pikachu is just so likeable on a large scale, and so is his coffee roast.
2. Koffing’s Ozone Roast
We must admit, the Ozone Roast doesn’t sound the most appetizing, but we swear, no pollutants or toxic ingredients were involved in creating this coffee blend. The Ozone Roast, made in homage to the noxious ball of gas Pokémon Koffing (yum!), is best enjoyed by people who love their coffee slightly lighter than average, but still serious. Drink this brew when you’re feeling a little tough – we mean, the Pokémon has a little Poké-version of a skull and crossbones tattooed on his body. That’s punk rock.
3. Drowzee’s Sleep-Inducer
This roast, obviously decaf, is best enjoyed while you’re winding down at the end of the day. Enjoy a good book by the fireplace, sip some Sleep-Inducer, and you’ll be ready to hit the hay in no time. Careful, though, the official Pokédex says that if you have an itchy nose when you’re sleeping, it might be Drowzee trying to eat your dreams through your nostrils. That’s…weird.
4. Gyarados’ Seabeast
We don’t know what it is, but water-type Pokémon really seem to lend themselves to some delicious-looking coffee roasts. We took Gyarados’ Seabeast to the beach, because that makes the most sense, and drank a thermos-full while listening to the waves and enjoying the sunshine. We’re also glad we went with Gyarados, because a Magikarp coffee might have been really boring.
5. Gengar’s Jump Scare
A poison and ghost type, Gengar is a little creepy and the coffee named after him is for people who enjoy a spooky and dark lifestyle. We recommend drinking a mug of Jump Scare in some dingy basement hangout or dark coffee shop while listening to Bauhaus or Sisters of Mercy. Even though Gengar is a poison type, Jump Scare is 100% safe to drink. No poison. We promise. Seriously, trust us. It’s fine. Noooooo poison here, folks.
6. Lapras’ Ferry Blend
Another water-type, our Lapras-influenced coffee makes us think of relaxing at a cabin up north, watching the sun rise above the lake. Bring a mug down to the dock and breathe in that morning air while waking up for the day. Lapras is just as much of an ice-type as he is water, though, so the Ferry Blend would be appropriate for the other half of the year at these cabins, too, when you’re cuddled up in a warm sweater, watching snow fall outside the window.
7. Hoothoot’s Night Owl
One of Hoothoot’s natural abilities is Insomnia, which prevents the Pokémon from falling asleep. However, maybe drinking coffee past his bedtime has something to do with that. Hoothoot’s Night Owl is one of the darkest roasts in our Pokémon coffee series, and we recommend drinking it after dinner, perhaps with some desert, on a Friday night. You have nothing to wake up for in the morning – might as well enjoy a dark coffee and watch a movie late into the night.
8. Missingno.’s Wild Missingno.
What do you mean, you haven’t heard of Missingno.? Maybe you aren’t the elite Pokémon trainer that we thought… Missingno. is an infamous glitch Pokémon, also known as ??????????, and can be found in Red and Blue, as well as Yellow, and can cause your game to freeze or get stuck and mess with your save data. We’re not exactly sure what this coffee tastes like. We’re not really sure where you can buy it either. We’re just not very sure on anything about it, to be honest. Maybe it’s not a good idea to drink it. Who knows what could happen.
9. Slowpoke’s Decelerate
Arguably the best Pokémon out of all 720, Slowpoke just HAD to be a part of our coffee collection. Decelerate, our second decaf option, is for the people who just like to take it easy. Why rush? That’s not the Slowpoke way. Need to make it to work? Eh, you have time for another quick nap first. Have a doctor’s appointment you can’t miss? Stop and smell the flowers…and take another quick nap. Slowpoke would also let you know that some nice, freshly-caught fish would be a great pairing to this coffee.
10. Jolteon’s Overvolt
Jolteon is one of the eight evolutions of Eevee, but with a name that includes the word JOLT, we couldn’t NOT include him in our coffee label series. This electric Pokémon is agile and fast, traits which hopefully pass on to you after you have a mug or two or three of Overvolt during that mid-afternoon slump. However, it does make us think… what would the other Eeveelutions be like in coffee form? Glaceon would be nice for a cold press, Slyveon would be sugary-sweet, but we’re not sure about Espeon.
11. Psyduck’s Headrush
Psyduck, while a fan favorite, is not known for having his life in order. Constantly plagued by chronic migraines, Psyduck usually seems a little, um, stressed. This coffee, Headrush, has a very high caffeine content, and is best brewed when you need some laser focus. Perhaps you have a paper due at 8 a.m. the next day and it’s already 10 p.m. and you haven’t started and your desk is a total mess and you haven’t even picked a topic of your paper and, wait, we think the dog needs to be let out, and the phone is ringing, and-…. STOP. Pull a few shots of Headrush. Focus. Also, maybe consider decaf next time.
12. Ivysaur’s Bloomblend
The Bloomblend, whose label features the oh-so-cute and slightly suspicious-looking Ivysaur, seems like it would be served in the lobby of a Grass-type Pokémon Gym. You’d enter in, ready to battle with the Gym Leader, just dreaming of that leaf-shaped badge, but first…coffee. Just a little cuppa. The dude that hangs out in the entryway of all the gyms in the game would offer you an espresso shot of the Bloomblend, and how could you resist? Pokémon need potions to bring them back up to full health, and you need some heavy duty java to make it through the game alive.
13. Porygon’s Java Beam
A pound of this light roast would be a great gift for your techy friends or nerdy dad. Porygon’s Java Beam would fit in nicely in a server room or a programmer’s office or even one of those high-tech looking internet cafes of the 90s, when cyberspace and the virtual world was an uncharted mystery to us all. If you remember, though, Porygon was the Pokémon responsible for giving over 600 kids seizures in Japan during an episode of the anime. So, um…this blend is for grown-ups only, please. Buyer beware.
Get These Printable Coffee Labels!
As much as we love Pokémon, we know we aren’t the only ones. If you want to have your own coffee labels to decorate your kitchen or game room, we’ve provided some printables for you to download! We printed these out on adhesive paper, found at any office supply store, and then simply cut them out and stuck them on blank coffee bags.
We hope you liked our Pokémon labels! Which was your favorite? If we do another series, which monsters would you like to see? Let us know in the comments. If you end up printing these out for your own coffee bags, show us, too! You can tag us on Instagram @shirtsdotcom_. In the meantime, take a look at our Pokémon t-shirts. The Gengar one is so cute!