E-Mails

E-mails From An Asshole 6-4

June 4th, 2010

Garage Sale Competition

Original ad:
Garage sale on Saturday April 17th from 10 am to 4 pm. Lots of clothes, furniture, electronics, and more. The address is 341 ********* Drive. Email me if you need directions.

Now before you think this woman doesn’t deserve it, she spammed this ad everywhere, every day. I was sick of seeing it.
From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hello,

I live a few blocks away from you and couldn’t help but notice you are having a garage sale this Saturday. I am going to have to kindly ask you to change the date of your garage sale. I am having my annual world class garage sale on that day, and I do not want you to take away any of the customers that would be coming to my garage sale.

If you could hold your garage sale some time during May or June, that would be great.

Thanks,

Mike
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E-Mails From An Asshole 5-28

May 28th, 2010

Lenny’s Acid Trip

Original ad:

Do not Use Lenny the Mechanic:
He has an ad on here for car repairs and I asked him to fix my blown head gasket. He showed up to my house, broke a bunch of parts and left. He has been avoiding me ever since. DO NOT USE THIS GUY.
Lenny, if you are reading this, you owe me an explanation.

From Me to ***************@***********.org:
Hey,

My apologies for bailing on your car. I know I have been hard to contact; I lost my phone and had to get a new e-mail address. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make it up to you.

Lenny
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E-Mails From An Asshole 5-21

May 21st, 2010

Original ad:
i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org

Hey there!

I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I’m estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.

The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:
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E-Mails From An Asshole 5-14

May 14th, 2010

The Hot Tub Repairman

Original ad:
We are in need of someone who can fix our hot tub. If you know what you are doing, it is probably a fairly easy fix. The hot tub is about 11 years old and has a cracked pipe and a broken pipe. Also, some of the jets are not working (may be related to the pipe). We will pay for the parts. Please respond with an estimate for the cost of labor.

From Me to ********@**********.org:

Hello,

I am a certified hot tub repair technician and would be happy to help fix your hot tub. Please let me know if you are still looking for someone.

Thanks,

Mike
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E-Mails From An Asshole 5-7

May 7th, 2010

Original ad:
looking for honda civic or accord, 1996 or newer. looking to pay up to $5000 depending on condition.

From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org

Hey,

I’m selling my wife’s 2003 Honda Civic while she is out of town. We are getting a divorce and I am selling it to spite her, so I’ll sell it to you for 5k. It is nice. It has like 55,000 miles.

– Mike
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