E-Mails

E-Mails From An Asshole 3-18

March 18th, 2011

Spacious Studio Apartment

Original ad:
Hello. I am a responsible young professional looking to sublet a studio or 1 br apt in or around East village. I am looking to move in on Mar 15. 2000/mo is my budget. Thans

From Me to **********@********.org:
Hey,

I am leaving for London on business and need to sublet my studio apartment immediately. It is a beautiful spacious apartment in the East Village (near Tompkins Square Park). Rent is $1750/month and you can move in as soon as February 25th. Please let me know if you are interested.

Regards,

Mike

From Ari ****** to Me:
Hi Mike thanks for responding. A few questions: how big is the apt? how long can is the lease til? do you have any pics or a floor plan? I want to move in on mar 15- is that ok?
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E-Mails From An Asshole 12-10

December 10th, 2010

Rude Phone Salesman

Original ad:
White iPhone 3G network 16 gig for sale – great condition comes with usb/home charger and screen protection case. $350 *******@gmail.com

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 6 9:38 PM):

Hey,

Is your iPhone still available?

Mike

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:24 AM):

yes.

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:25 AM):

What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea what time it is?
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E-Mails From An Asshole 10-29

October 29th, 2010

Dishwasher Confusion

Original ad:
I need a dishwasher dont care what color so long as it is a good working dishwasher that is cheap. I have a truck and can pick it up if necessary.

From me to ********@*********.org:

Hello! My name Miguel, I am good working dishwasher. I work at Ricardo’s Pizza as dishwasher for 5 years- me top dishwasher. Leave your dishes very clean and work for cheap. I have no driving license. You pick up, yes?

Miguel
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E-Mails From An Asshole 9-17

September 17th, 2010

Angry TV Buyer

Original ad:
i want a flatscreen tv. at least 40 inches and under $500. hit me up if you got what i want

From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hey,

I am selling my 42″ Westinghouse plasma TV for $400. It is in excellent condition. I’m just selling it because I got a bigger one and don’t need this one anymore. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

yeah man thats perfect. ill buy that as soon as possible. would you be able to bring it to my house? i dont have a car. im home pretty much all day every day

you can call me if you want 610-***-****
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E-Mails From An Asshole 8-20

August 20th, 2010

Kitten Rescue
Warning: The following post contains graphic images. If you are offended by the sight of food-dye, corn syrup, and ground beef, you may not want to read this.

Original ad:
Humane “hav a heart” traps for kittens needed
There are some kittens in my neighborhood that need to find good homes. I need a trap 4 the cats to help bring them in. Please email me if you have a trap (and a heart)!

From Me to *********@********.org:

Hello,

Are you still looking for a trap for cats?

Mike

From Deb ******* to Me:

Yes I am can you help me?

From Me to Deb *******:

I most certainly can! I believe this trap is for those who want to “have a heart.” I used it to catch a stray cat that kept coming into my garage. It is called the KittyHugger. All you have to do is put some cat food on the trigger, and when the cat comes to eat it, the trap gently contracts into a hugging position and comfortably hugs the cat until you come back to deal with the little guy. Please let me know if this will work.

Mike
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